Diagnosed with stage 3b triple negative breast cancer dropped me to my knees. A young mother of two daughters, ages 10 and 7, wife of a fuel hauler who was on the road more than he was home. Our lives changed forever. We experienced fear, sadness, anger and confusion, but most of all we experienced support and love. The chemo was almost unbearable, the radiation was uncomfortable. What was most unexpected however, was the survivors guilt I would face when my childhood friend passed away from the (almost) exact rare cancer that I had. She was also a mother of 2. A few years later, my 20 year old nephew and my Aunt also passed away from different types of cancer. There was no pain pill for the pain of losing loved ones after I had survived. I still ask myself why? Why am I still here when they are not? I’ve tried my hardest to live my life in a way that would make them proud. Thinking of their lives being cut short helps me deal with the lifelong side effects off the medication, like thinning hair, heart issues and thyroid issues to name a few. I try not to dwell and I am truly grateful that I am here for my daughters, husband, parents and siblings. They were my village through my journey and they are my reason for living, every single day.